A symbolic moment

A symbolic moment has just occured. That moment namely is the last time that I have prepared my uniform for duty tomorrow. I have done this for the past 3 years. Mainly because I quickly realised that being blearly eyed at 6am, 4:45am, 5:30am and 5:25am (times respectfully used throughout placement times, bar the community part of 2nd year when I was able to sleep to the late time of 7:30am. Ah, those heady days of 2006 eh?) resulted in me usually forgetting something important. Yup, tomorrow is my last placement shift.

I have had three years which have been... varied I guess. I have had some interesting times. Some good (like my first sucessfull CPR, Passing my Tripartites, the patients who I was able to help, the great Nurses and other people who I had the honour of working with. Most of all has been meeting the one person who, while I today fret over, has helped sometimes keep me on the straight with the course. My dear Girlfriend. There have been the bad. But do you know what? Mostly it was when my niece died last year and when that caused my to referr on a module. I have had bad shifts. I have had arguments with staff. I have had the abusive patients, and on more then once had to deal with a patient trying to very much kick and punch their way out of the ward. Oh well.

Tonight, all however is calm. I know that my girlfriend has her family with her and will be going home tomorrow (hopefully). I have some applications which I hope will be fruitfull, and there are interviews now comming through. A bursary came today. My RCN subscription has been renewed. My NMC PIN number will be here hopefully within the next 5 weeks. Now, for the final time, I will have to think of a succinct title to cover the next shift post. "My roads end" and "My Final destination" are both vying for position. There were other titles that would have been used for mid-course shifts. "My Bad day" for example never was needed for a title should a monumentally bad shift have occured. I have been trying to think of a single tune to embed as a video like for the post. The second place went to "Fall Out Boy" with the track "Thnks fr th mmrs". For what I settled on, call back tomorrow.

So, "what are you doing tonight then Nursing Student?" I hear you ask. Well, going out for a belated Christmas meal with my St John Ambulance division for a start.

My summersault and My emotional day

I have been in for two shifts now. The reason I have not posted until now will be come apparent. On Monday I was back on the ward. I was in an area covering 1 and a half bays. The patients were all light all things considered. There was one patient who required a pressure mattress. Before there was time to even think about this, they became hypotensive. The bed was elevated, and soon their pressure was back to near normal. The bed they were on was jammed. The HCA was having problems getting it back to normal position. I offered to help. When I tried it, the bed was jammed firmly down. However, after one heavy tug, the bed decided to go shooting down, nearly causing me to summersault into it. The bed was soon adjusted and the pressure relieving mattress was fitted. I was not exactly too concerned about the ward though for the day. I am afraid that my mind was more concerned with a patient who was in surgery about that time. The simple reason being, that as it was my girlfriend who was in for her operation, I was worried a lot. That’s putting it mildly! Eventually, after phoning the ward (and giving the attendant long spiel to the nurse about who the patient was, what the admission was for, who I was and to phone me back on the two hospital extension numbers if she did not believe me), I got news she was back from theatre. I asked to have time away from the ward at the start of visiting time, which was granted. I had deliberately missed my breaks to accommodate for this. I will not go into great details here of how she was. I was…shocked really I guess. I know that I see patients every day who are in worse states. The thing is though, as I once remember it being said of a patient: “A patient is a stranger in a bed who, when the time comes to need it, you can distance yourself from”. I simply cannot do that.

Yesterday I cheekily turned up on the hope that they may let visit as 2:30 (I called up near 1pm to ask this). The nurse took one look and said “Just go in now”. I only wish her recovery was better. Somehow, she has come out from the operation with a bad back. My patients were OK, and the nurse knew where I was. The patients were OK, there having been 3 discharges went a long way to helping make that assertion true. I only spent a short time with her. I went back to the ward and got the blood results off. I had cleared all the paperwork near 11am when doing the discharge writing. I then helped a HCA make beds. The staff had remarked I had been very quiet. It was only then, when I really started to talk about things to somebody else that the situation I find myself in now really hammered itself home. I have not found a job as a Nurse, the fact that I was worried about my girlfriend, how I am worried for her recovery, that I wanted to be with her, and most of all suddenly realising ones feelings toward her are more then I imagined, it all became…emotional.

Another Certificate

Above: Heartstart FR2 AEDWoo-hoo! I took my St John AED course today! Passed it, and had a comment which read "Good CPR". I know in the grand scheme of things this is hardly up there with say,ooh, a D.Phill in Astrophysics from Cambridge. However, a) An AED MAY occasionally be of use to me while acting as a St John Ambulance volunteer (I however hope not to have to use it in anger. Lets face it, anyone who wants to use one sounds a bit Macarbe). b) I am well aware more advanced equipment/Professionals are in more the adequate numbers in the world. c) I would be loath to come across as a "quacktitioner". However, firstly, the chain of survival (early access, early CPR, Early defribrillation, Early advanced care), you will note how the AED forms part three.

Most importantly, while it may not be the grandest award out there it is mine. Which I am happy with.

A fitting image...

From here

My football match

I have taken a study week to try and get some time off. I have asked about getting a job in a call centre (so those three years Nurse training look to have gone overboard). I got a letter this morning confirming that I have completed the requirements of the course, pending statutory hours being completed.

Only thing I did was a Football match with St. John Ambulance on Tuesday. I have over the years when with the Red Cross attended calls that are more suited to a "Carry on" film rather then "Casualty". There was one such happening while I was trying to treat a member of the public in the first aid post. I was seeing the patient while being hemmed into the corner by several SJA first aiders who were in their allotted time for a break, and a rather rotund divisional superintendent who was trying to make the tea.

I have started on my latest project for the British Ambulance Society (the details of the history of the local ambulance service) which came in helpful to one of the St John Cadets who is today in Liverpool for a Paramedic interview.

My illness

Well, a few day's on the ward and I have neglected to really mention much of what I have been doing. There is still no job, though there have thankfully been a handful more job's posted on the NHS jobs site for my hospital. It would seem that the reason I was not shortlisted for the job on the ward was that there were 47 other student nurses who applied for the post. Yes, 47 students without jobs. I am not making this up, as I saw the pile of application forms. There were over 100 applications made when you add in the registered Nurse's that applied for the post. Good news is that they are going to keep my application if anything else turns up.

Well, I have not been too well, had an ear which was paining me which has travelled down into my neck and swollen a few lymph node's up. I have started taken Ibuprofen and codeine and things are getting better in terms of the swelling and the pain i was in.

Ward wise, I have been given busy teams but I cannot really say it caused much stress, though I put that down to the fact that I plod on gently getting things sorted rather than trying to rush around and get things done in a flap at the last moment. Still nothing really worth mentioning as I was looking after patients who were not going anywhere or having much done yesterday. I have another 3 shifts to do, then a study week which I did not even realise I had to take, then start consolidation on the 5th Feb, then finish on the 8th. Sometime after this I shall get my NMC papers through to fill in after the university write to them confirming I have finished the course, then 10 days-3 weeks later I get my PIN.

I have never felt a mixture of feelings quite like this. I finally have my PIN number and the key to access a job a love, though at the same time face being unemployed and skint.

What's the fucking point anymore?

I may have mentioned that I was approached some months back now by the ward sister where I am on. I was told there was a post upcoming and to apply for it. I did. I also applied for 6 other posts over the last 5 weeks. There have been replies from... none. To make matters worse, I have been told that the interview for the ward I am on is being held on Thursday. I only knew because another student asked me if I had an interview. I do not.

Bloody great. I am at the point where I am increasingly looking at finishing the course but having no job to work in. This is annoying. I used to like what I do, but over the past two weeks I have grown to hate the job. Everything just seems to wind up with me being pissed off in extremis, and wanting to bite some buggers head off. This is not healthy. The real problem is that I have been in the sphere of nursing for 3 years now, and I am still waiting for the first good thing to happen to me. I am really beginning to question my faith in humanity, myself, and am asking myself the same questions:
Did I make a mistake choosing nursing?
Will there ever be any hope in anything?
Is there not some other profession which I may be better suited for?

If there was something to work toward then I think that would restore my mood to better levels. I have always worked hard, had good rapport with my patients and put myself personally out of the way in the name of the job. All I have got back is goose egg. I knew when I set out that being a female dominated profession that I would be outnumbered on the ward. The only thing now is that no bugger talks to me, and half the time with conversations on make up and other female-only talk, I just feel like I am all alone, even when there are loads of people around you. That sucks. I honestly do not have the self confidence or belief to go on anymore. I have got nothing left.
I'm cooked.

The end (part 3)

Just got the results back from the portfolio. It has PASSED (the mark was about 5 below what I was hoping but it passed OK).

So thats it.

I will DEFINATLY be qualifying as a Registered General Nurse (RGN)in 3 weeks. Three year's of Univesity and I have finally finished. It is very odd feeling to have.
Now all I need is a job...

New Year

Ah 2008! A year which began with me being a bit tipsy, not being able to sleep and having a longing to eat a doughnut. No, not sure what sort of omen that is for the coming 12 months. So, I am off until Tuesday when I start the last ever 5 1/2 shifts I will do as a student Nurse. These could also prove to be the last ever shifts I do as a nurse in the NHS if a job does not come crashing around the corner sharpish!

There is a few jobs which I applied for. The dates have only just past for the majority of them so there is still some hope of getting somewhere before the course finishes though at the minute it is hard to feel positive about things. I am having to scour the NHS jobs website looking for job's in the immediate area for any staff nurse jobs which are on the go. There was an advertisement on the university blackboard site where Addenbrookes hospital, Cambridge was looking for staff nurses. Two problems with that. 1) The essential requirement was for current NMC registration, and 2)Cambridge is a long way from Teesside.