my demon

So that's another shift down. The mix of discharges and new admissions meant I only had 5 patients all day to see to at any one time. I began by doing the obs, two dressings and a district nurse referal, filled in all the paperwork for the daily assessments, and then did the patients files, went for a tutorial which resulted in me being a staggering 2 hours away from the ward, and then doing post PCI observations on a patient and prepering for their return prior to that, and monitoring the bay and admitting a transfered patient.

I am really starting to feel that I am loosing the fight now with it all. I have been told that despite asking for MITS on an essay to get me right that it will not be accepted. I don't know, I had a death which took me a heck of a long time to get over, then I had the trouble over the 1000 word essay, then had to fight to get my place back on the course, and now after all that have to start by chasing after essays again which were rushed out. I am beginning to get very drained by it all, and with there being no hope of me finding employment in January I am even beginning to question my wisdom of not giving up in 2006 training to be a nurse. I tried, really I have. I have stuck on when all the odds were stacked against me, and I kept on trying to go on, and on, and on. Where most others would have walked away (and believe you me there were times when I was very tempted to do that), I always kept on going and tried to "keep the faith" as it were. However, not I am just passed myself but I am beginning to feel the strain of it. Being where I am on placement hardly helps. The staff are mostly female and I just feel very unhappy as I am socially isolated on the ward, I have nothing in common with any of them and half the time it's like I am all alone even when I am in a room full of people. This is not healthy. The only people who actually give me any time of day are the patients, which thank god I am on a surgical ward and not a medical ward with confused folks or else I would not be on the course.

Right now, I think I really need a good pick me up and a sign that not all is lost, because at the moment I cannot see much hope in anything.