My Dream

I had a rather interesting dream the other night. I was out in York with my other half. Having been around most of the shops, and helping her choose a birthday present for her mum, we decided to head home. Good job I was sleeping, this is the average blokes idea of hell (however, it was time with her so it was all good).

I find myself at the train station. The train is late "Tree on the line at Huddersfield". Great, but hey, I only have to wait over half an hour. Lets find the platform. Oh great, its full. Hang on, turns out there is a service to Newcastle about to arrive before my train. Ahh, so this is not too much of a nightmare.

After a few moments, the train arrives and my mobile phone decides to go off. As I am trying to talk, the sound of the train leaving is drowning out the caller. I am dreaming this is along the lines of "Hi, it (whuur whuur whuur) from (huuummm) hospital (lound blast of train horn) interviewed really well (clack clack clack clack) on the ward?"
Now, its just a dream and undoubtedly this is just me getting the big fob off. Oh well, I can see in my dream there is a flight of steps up to a closed walkway where I can talk. After all, this was a hospital where a) I never worked and b) had my first interview on the 7th who phoned me on my birthday (last tuesday) to ask to give me people to phone as referances were slow comming through. Ok, I decided in my dream I wanted to fully explore the horror of this nightmare of being fobbed off. Much in the same way one may fully probe the site of a rotting tooth. I ascend the steps.
"Do go ahead" I say.
"Well, as you have experance of being a student within Diabetes and Endocrinology, we are offering you a job as a Staff Nurse on the diabetic and endocrinology ward in the hospital"
Bloody hell, this is great, lets keep dreaming.
"Yes, of course!"
"Right, well, it will be monday now before I can send the acceptance forms out, and it will be 6 to 8 weeks by the time your CRB check comes back and you can start on the ward".
"Thats no problem, thanks!"
"No problem, thanks for accepting!"
Ok, deep breath. Lets just see how long it takes for me to wake up and come back to reality.
Pretty much walking back down the stairs to find my other half looking at me and saying to her "I got the job" seemed to be a good point to stop dreaming and wake up. Which given that we both had to wait till near 5:20 for that sodding train which was 52 minutes late in the freezing cold and rain made sure there was no doubt about it.

So, 3 years training:Check
NMC Pin Number: Check
Job: Check

What makes this all the more delicious is that while I was turned down by 2 posts, one was going to re-interview me, the job I get was from my first interview.

So, I have moved. You will find me posting on the new blog. Just click HERE to visit!
See you on the new blog!

While my step dad was implicated in the news with this incident.

It was very unfortunate my sisters boyfriend and soon to be fiancie is the soldier talked about here. NB He is not the injured one. Though on the news it is very clinical and cold, I happen to be in the middle of this one.

I always hated the policy of new labour. Messing about with the health service was affecting me enough. Now, its personal.

I wonder if I did not pray enough at some point.

An update

"I find it odd how I have interviews for everywhere but for the hospital I trained". Nursing student, "interview" 13/02/2008
Ahem. Ok, that statement came back to bite me on the ass. I have an interview on the 25th. I believe this could also be on the ward where I was for placement 5. By that I mean the ward I moved on the 22nd September. This should make the interview interesting:
Interview Chair: "So, do you know anything of the ward?"
Nursing Student: "Aye, I worked here did'nt I"
Interview Chair: "Do you know what patients we look after on here?"
Nursing Student: "Aye, looked after half the buggers meself on here lad"

Anyway, I am acutly aware of it being valentines day, so a happy valentines day to you all.

Interview

Today I had the first feedback from an interview. I was interviewed yesterday for a staff nurse in a community hospital in a PCT. The interview went well. I was phoned by the clinical leader today. They said that I had interviewed excellent. I was the joint choice for the post. However, the post has gone to somebody with more post registration experience then me. I know that there is a possibility they were just saying that. However, I have been told that not all is lost. You see, there has been a nurse put their resignation in on the ward. I was told that there will be interviews held again. As less then 3 months have passed the post is not going to be advertised. I may have a chance at this second interview though this is hard to say. I have applied for some more jobs which have become available today.

I am still awaiting the news of the interview which I had last Thursday at another acute hospital. I am not sure how that will work out. The original post advertised was for the MAU. However, there were posts going on the respiratory ward, Haematology ward, Endocrinology and gastric ward. I find it odd how I have interviews for everywhere but for the hospital I trained. Oh well.

And finally...

I have finshied the university!

I now need to:
a) Wait for my PIN number/NMC registration.
B) Get a job.

Of for goodness sake!

I was feeling quite nostagic this morning. I am posting twice today. The first post is the worst one of the two. I happen to be quite a fan of the Dr Rant team. I am sure this morning they may have been interested to know of one of the lectures were on. Service improvement. Stop laughing you at the back.

Now, I am all for the NHS actually getting better. I freverently belive that the key to achieving this is a genuine team effort of all the staff concerned. I too think that, albeit in a reduced role to professionals, that patients individually can shape the care of the NHS services. I say reduced because an idividual can only provide their own perspective. They will be able to give unique insight into an experance which is theirs, and theirs alone. One mans meat is anothers potato (to use the Colloquialism). That a person may dislike the NHS is to negate that some people may "like" the NHS. Additionally, the phallacy of association certianly will not mean that the NHS is not fit for the treating of patients.

It was with a certian amount of politcal unspeak that we were introduced to the concept of NHS service improvement. To say that this was riddled with the influence of the current admisitration is to be an understatement. I have always considered that a fundamental right of the free nations of the world is the freedom to make a choice of what they do. The freedom of speech is a right that we should not take for grated, even if we are allowing ourselfs to be policitcally lead. To cite a quote attributed to Voltaire "Why I May Not Agree With What You Say, I'll Defend To The Death Your Right To Say It".


One of the main thigns was that there was the mention made of the connecting for health scheme. Yup. thats right. The part of the NHShIT project which is currently costing as much 30% of the GDP of Peru. I dont mind that. It was the patronising tone the DoH adopt "Enablers". Oh come on. The patients are at least the last people of the NHS population to ever a) get a say b) Actually notice c) give a toss. Given that the NHShIT project has double the amount of money being spent then the combined disposable income of Germany, this really is not acceptable.

Also, the use of processes, and "systems thinking". Well, the sort of thinking that has resulted in a computer system which is costing 4 times the economic growth of China from 2001-2008. Also, the fact that the average suggestion box to a health minister seems to be a waste paper basket, how do any of us stand a chance. I recall when there were a few nurses who "suggested" they not have a 0.009% increse which was resisted while the NHShIT computer system cost more money then was taken through taxation, funding and minted during the Ottoman empire.

Or when 12000 doctors "suggested" that the "improvement" of 10000 less doctors was not a good idea. I guess the government were more concerned with shoveling more money into the NHShIT system which the Office of National Statistics have noted as having taken 14 times more money then the economies of the combined westernised nation 1898-2004, adjsted for the mean poverty level of pre-tax profits.

What went wrong...I'm not grumpy!

Now, I know that normally all the blogs are full of the woes and moans of the NHS and the fact that it is in meltdown. But today, I want to buck the trend of that if only for one post. You see, I actually LIKE what I do. So, let us think for one moment what drives us to do what we do, apply a bit of starch to the tunic and really take a positve look at what we do. It is rich for me to say that. There again though, I can. I know I have posted some negtive posts. I am aware that there are problems with the finances of the NHS. The thing is though, we all go through that. I can point to the times when I worked in management to days that were terrible.

However, let us think about the positve impact on peoples lifes that Nurses have on people. I am forever trying the think of analagies for situations. One of the ones that I came up with years ago for treatment was to take a pragmatic look at a situation. Say Patient X is admitted to hospital with an exaccerbation of COPD and is not responding well to a treatment of Bronchodilators and 4 liters of oxygen and the doctors have asked the nurse to start therapy of...lets say steroids. Right, now that fact of the patient being in the UK will mean that this seems to be a great horror. It is. Let us imagine for a moment that Patient X was in the middle of the Kalahari desert and miles away from a District General Hospital. You can appreciate there would be no GP to take a house visit, an ambulance to transport to the hospital, no HCA to show the patient to bed, not staff nurse to assess/admisiter medication and attend to, no HO/SHO (FY1-2/ST1-2) doctors to clerk and no consutant for them to be under. Imagine how long the patent would last in that example. Yes, know that the probabilty of the person having a supply of tobacco to get emphysema in the desert is also remotly small but lets try and keep the magic going!

That is the whole reason I wanted to become a nurse. I have been a patient for many years having being born with a condition which fused my fingers and toes. That is why I will willingly give up a saturday or Tuesday night to go on duty (and watch premiership and Leage 2 matches for free) and attend St John Ambulance divisional meetings on Thursdays. It is why I will walk into my bay when I am free and talk to my patient. It is why I take the time to sit next to patients and fill in their risk assessments/write communication sheets with them so that they know what I am writing, and can sometimes give me a better idea. It is why I go the extra mile for the people who I care for on duty. That is why when visiting time comes I leave the visitors to the patient but inform both patient and vistors that I will be walking around to check. It is whay I never think myself an island. It is why I like the company of others. It is why I will ask a busy nurse or HCA if they need a hand. I also think that in trying hard I should help other MDT team members. Which is why doctors will find files presented drug cardex open, why frames and sticks are left out for reach of physiotherapists and why doors are opened for porters and ambulance crews, and why lunches are given out by yours truly. I like what I do. I want to do what I do, and do it well.

That is why I hope that interviews will yield something.

That is why I wrote this blog. Sometimes all you need is a muse.

Major Incident

Ah. Sunday. A day of rest. A day of roast dinners. Or, If you were part of St John North Yorkshire and Teesside the major incident workshop day. Ah yes. I am now fully certified in knowing how to deal with a major incident and ran through triage. I even did 2 exercises in magaing it. One was a written list of casualties and what triage level I would put them at. Basically, Green is walking woulded. Yellow: Not walking but obs stable. Red is immediate attention (not walking, obs out of range) and white is...erm, how can I put this. Dead. Unlike a normal situation, anyone needing CPR at a mass-cas situation/Major emergency is left for dead. Its not nice. Trouble is, while you would waste time CRP-ing a body, the patient with femoral bleed could be saved. Hard but thats life.

I have provided a tounge-in-cheek take on the day on the diagram. I wrote the original on a scrap of paper.

My roads end

So, as of 13:30 I officially left placement. It was odd. I began the day with finding many people on duty. This was mostly HCA and two staff Nurses working the early shift. I had to wait to find out what team I was working in. It was the bay I was in on Tuesday. There were only 4 patients in the bay and two side rooms to see to. I did the baseline observations and wrote the risk assessments at the same time (there was enough time for this to be done at the same time). There was not a lot to do after making the beds and the morning did seem to drag. Two urgent ECG's were done by yours truly. The visiting SpR was happy with my lead placement and thanked for a "Nice ECG". That was pleasing!

I was searching for an IVAC infusion pump for some of the morning and went two several surrounding departments to source one. It was odd when a Nurse from the ward next door asked when I was finished my training to be able to reply "28 minutes time!". The ward senior sister wrote me a very nice witness statement which I will copy for my upcoming interviews. Next week I have 3 days in the university. Tuesday is the RCN conference, Thursday is a day of information and Friday is a closing lecture and NMC registration day.

My more pressing concern is the fact my Girlfriend last night decided she wanted to try and end our relationship claiming that things "Were not fair" on me and she was "very sorry". I am not sure what to say as this is a blow that I really did not see coming. I know emotions were running high the last few days. Now, not only do I have a job to worry about, I now have this broadside hit to deal with. To say that I have taken this bad is an understatement. I feel sick in the pit of my stomach and I have hardly eaten anything. Come to think of it, I have not eaten much at all this past week. I cannot stop thinking of her, and wonder what it is I ever did wrong to her. Any of the female readers with any ideas of what you would suggest I do please leave a comment. I figure that the best thing will be to give her some space to calm down a bit.

Speaking of the comment and the blog, I realised some time ago that after next week this blog and my ID will be redundant. I do not want to start a new blog yet, so if you have any names for the new blog which I will go on to make, and feel free to leave comment. "Staff Nurse Musings" anyone?

So, if you are a student Nurse, and you are wondering what it is like in the third year, if you are a nurse and were looking for another persons view, or you ever should be a person in the future who was considering Nursing, I hope that my small entries have been both entertaining and useful. I am now at the end of three years. I have passed the course and this time next week will be able to say that I completed my three years of University. I shall be able to put RGN after my name in a few weeks time.

In recognition of that, the video link at the top is the one that finally I choose to accurately reflect the end of the course. I have climbed the mountain of nurse training. Somehow, I have survived.
And to all the people who took the time to read and to post: My profound thanks.

A symbolic moment

A symbolic moment has just occured. That moment namely is the last time that I have prepared my uniform for duty tomorrow. I have done this for the past 3 years. Mainly because I quickly realised that being blearly eyed at 6am, 4:45am, 5:30am and 5:25am (times respectfully used throughout placement times, bar the community part of 2nd year when I was able to sleep to the late time of 7:30am. Ah, those heady days of 2006 eh?) resulted in me usually forgetting something important. Yup, tomorrow is my last placement shift.

I have had three years which have been... varied I guess. I have had some interesting times. Some good (like my first sucessfull CPR, Passing my Tripartites, the patients who I was able to help, the great Nurses and other people who I had the honour of working with. Most of all has been meeting the one person who, while I today fret over, has helped sometimes keep me on the straight with the course. My dear Girlfriend. There have been the bad. But do you know what? Mostly it was when my niece died last year and when that caused my to referr on a module. I have had bad shifts. I have had arguments with staff. I have had the abusive patients, and on more then once had to deal with a patient trying to very much kick and punch their way out of the ward. Oh well.

Tonight, all however is calm. I know that my girlfriend has her family with her and will be going home tomorrow (hopefully). I have some applications which I hope will be fruitfull, and there are interviews now comming through. A bursary came today. My RCN subscription has been renewed. My NMC PIN number will be here hopefully within the next 5 weeks. Now, for the final time, I will have to think of a succinct title to cover the next shift post. "My roads end" and "My Final destination" are both vying for position. There were other titles that would have been used for mid-course shifts. "My Bad day" for example never was needed for a title should a monumentally bad shift have occured. I have been trying to think of a single tune to embed as a video like for the post. The second place went to "Fall Out Boy" with the track "Thnks fr th mmrs". For what I settled on, call back tomorrow.

So, "what are you doing tonight then Nursing Student?" I hear you ask. Well, going out for a belated Christmas meal with my St John Ambulance division for a start.

My summersault and My emotional day

I have been in for two shifts now. The reason I have not posted until now will be come apparent. On Monday I was back on the ward. I was in an area covering 1 and a half bays. The patients were all light all things considered. There was one patient who required a pressure mattress. Before there was time to even think about this, they became hypotensive. The bed was elevated, and soon their pressure was back to near normal. The bed they were on was jammed. The HCA was having problems getting it back to normal position. I offered to help. When I tried it, the bed was jammed firmly down. However, after one heavy tug, the bed decided to go shooting down, nearly causing me to summersault into it. The bed was soon adjusted and the pressure relieving mattress was fitted. I was not exactly too concerned about the ward though for the day. I am afraid that my mind was more concerned with a patient who was in surgery about that time. The simple reason being, that as it was my girlfriend who was in for her operation, I was worried a lot. That’s putting it mildly! Eventually, after phoning the ward (and giving the attendant long spiel to the nurse about who the patient was, what the admission was for, who I was and to phone me back on the two hospital extension numbers if she did not believe me), I got news she was back from theatre. I asked to have time away from the ward at the start of visiting time, which was granted. I had deliberately missed my breaks to accommodate for this. I will not go into great details here of how she was. I was…shocked really I guess. I know that I see patients every day who are in worse states. The thing is though, as I once remember it being said of a patient: “A patient is a stranger in a bed who, when the time comes to need it, you can distance yourself from”. I simply cannot do that.

Yesterday I cheekily turned up on the hope that they may let visit as 2:30 (I called up near 1pm to ask this). The nurse took one look and said “Just go in now”. I only wish her recovery was better. Somehow, she has come out from the operation with a bad back. My patients were OK, and the nurse knew where I was. The patients were OK, there having been 3 discharges went a long way to helping make that assertion true. I only spent a short time with her. I went back to the ward and got the blood results off. I had cleared all the paperwork near 11am when doing the discharge writing. I then helped a HCA make beds. The staff had remarked I had been very quiet. It was only then, when I really started to talk about things to somebody else that the situation I find myself in now really hammered itself home. I have not found a job as a Nurse, the fact that I was worried about my girlfriend, how I am worried for her recovery, that I wanted to be with her, and most of all suddenly realising ones feelings toward her are more then I imagined, it all became…emotional.

Another Certificate

Above: Heartstart FR2 AEDWoo-hoo! I took my St John AED course today! Passed it, and had a comment which read "Good CPR". I know in the grand scheme of things this is hardly up there with say,ooh, a D.Phill in Astrophysics from Cambridge. However, a) An AED MAY occasionally be of use to me while acting as a St John Ambulance volunteer (I however hope not to have to use it in anger. Lets face it, anyone who wants to use one sounds a bit Macarbe). b) I am well aware more advanced equipment/Professionals are in more the adequate numbers in the world. c) I would be loath to come across as a "quacktitioner". However, firstly, the chain of survival (early access, early CPR, Early defribrillation, Early advanced care), you will note how the AED forms part three.

Most importantly, while it may not be the grandest award out there it is mine. Which I am happy with.

A fitting image...

From here

My football match

I have taken a study week to try and get some time off. I have asked about getting a job in a call centre (so those three years Nurse training look to have gone overboard). I got a letter this morning confirming that I have completed the requirements of the course, pending statutory hours being completed.

Only thing I did was a Football match with St. John Ambulance on Tuesday. I have over the years when with the Red Cross attended calls that are more suited to a "Carry on" film rather then "Casualty". There was one such happening while I was trying to treat a member of the public in the first aid post. I was seeing the patient while being hemmed into the corner by several SJA first aiders who were in their allotted time for a break, and a rather rotund divisional superintendent who was trying to make the tea.

I have started on my latest project for the British Ambulance Society (the details of the history of the local ambulance service) which came in helpful to one of the St John Cadets who is today in Liverpool for a Paramedic interview.

My illness

Well, a few day's on the ward and I have neglected to really mention much of what I have been doing. There is still no job, though there have thankfully been a handful more job's posted on the NHS jobs site for my hospital. It would seem that the reason I was not shortlisted for the job on the ward was that there were 47 other student nurses who applied for the post. Yes, 47 students without jobs. I am not making this up, as I saw the pile of application forms. There were over 100 applications made when you add in the registered Nurse's that applied for the post. Good news is that they are going to keep my application if anything else turns up.

Well, I have not been too well, had an ear which was paining me which has travelled down into my neck and swollen a few lymph node's up. I have started taken Ibuprofen and codeine and things are getting better in terms of the swelling and the pain i was in.

Ward wise, I have been given busy teams but I cannot really say it caused much stress, though I put that down to the fact that I plod on gently getting things sorted rather than trying to rush around and get things done in a flap at the last moment. Still nothing really worth mentioning as I was looking after patients who were not going anywhere or having much done yesterday. I have another 3 shifts to do, then a study week which I did not even realise I had to take, then start consolidation on the 5th Feb, then finish on the 8th. Sometime after this I shall get my NMC papers through to fill in after the university write to them confirming I have finished the course, then 10 days-3 weeks later I get my PIN.

I have never felt a mixture of feelings quite like this. I finally have my PIN number and the key to access a job a love, though at the same time face being unemployed and skint.

What's the fucking point anymore?

I may have mentioned that I was approached some months back now by the ward sister where I am on. I was told there was a post upcoming and to apply for it. I did. I also applied for 6 other posts over the last 5 weeks. There have been replies from... none. To make matters worse, I have been told that the interview for the ward I am on is being held on Thursday. I only knew because another student asked me if I had an interview. I do not.

Bloody great. I am at the point where I am increasingly looking at finishing the course but having no job to work in. This is annoying. I used to like what I do, but over the past two weeks I have grown to hate the job. Everything just seems to wind up with me being pissed off in extremis, and wanting to bite some buggers head off. This is not healthy. The real problem is that I have been in the sphere of nursing for 3 years now, and I am still waiting for the first good thing to happen to me. I am really beginning to question my faith in humanity, myself, and am asking myself the same questions:
Did I make a mistake choosing nursing?
Will there ever be any hope in anything?
Is there not some other profession which I may be better suited for?

If there was something to work toward then I think that would restore my mood to better levels. I have always worked hard, had good rapport with my patients and put myself personally out of the way in the name of the job. All I have got back is goose egg. I knew when I set out that being a female dominated profession that I would be outnumbered on the ward. The only thing now is that no bugger talks to me, and half the time with conversations on make up and other female-only talk, I just feel like I am all alone, even when there are loads of people around you. That sucks. I honestly do not have the self confidence or belief to go on anymore. I have got nothing left.
I'm cooked.

The end (part 3)

Just got the results back from the portfolio. It has PASSED (the mark was about 5 below what I was hoping but it passed OK).

So thats it.

I will DEFINATLY be qualifying as a Registered General Nurse (RGN)in 3 weeks. Three year's of Univesity and I have finally finished. It is very odd feeling to have.
Now all I need is a job...

New Year

Ah 2008! A year which began with me being a bit tipsy, not being able to sleep and having a longing to eat a doughnut. No, not sure what sort of omen that is for the coming 12 months. So, I am off until Tuesday when I start the last ever 5 1/2 shifts I will do as a student Nurse. These could also prove to be the last ever shifts I do as a nurse in the NHS if a job does not come crashing around the corner sharpish!

There is a few jobs which I applied for. The dates have only just past for the majority of them so there is still some hope of getting somewhere before the course finishes though at the minute it is hard to feel positive about things. I am having to scour the NHS jobs website looking for job's in the immediate area for any staff nurse jobs which are on the go. There was an advertisement on the university blackboard site where Addenbrookes hospital, Cambridge was looking for staff nurses. Two problems with that. 1) The essential requirement was for current NMC registration, and 2)Cambridge is a long way from Teesside.